Self forgiveness is a key ingredient
to total transformation.
Self-anger: UGH!! I did it again. What is wrong with me?! Everyone else can control their eating, why can’t I? This is ridiculous! I’m such an idiot sometimes.
Self-blame: I need to get a grip. I’m the only one to blame… again. I’m ruining my health. I’m stuck.
Self-pity: I’m always going to be this way… I don’t know why I try. I give up. Why do I care anyway?
All of the above represent very common inner dialog when we overeat for the fifteenth time.
Of course we think these things… and sometimes worse. When we are out of alignment with the qualities of life that our heart really desires (ex: health, vitality and peace), our thoughts reflect this.
It is not that these thoughts are wrong, they are just a reflection of feeling stuck in a cycle that is no longer serving us. Of course we feel angry, stuck, sad and confused. All of this makes perfect sense.
What helps us unhook the pattern? It will never be anger, blame or pity. Those anchor in guilt. Guilt keeps us in the negative. To really transform, we must introduce positive aspects of our own heart into the cycle.
It is easy to default to anger, blame and pity. Easy and tempting. Tempting because we naturally believe “If I make myself suffer enough, I will stop the behavior.” “If I make my inner world so unpleasant I won’t go back here.”
In truth, only love heals.
This week, catch yourself in the act of anger, blame or pity and apply forgiveness. Forgiveness is a powerful form of love that returns us to our hearts, self-love and self-care.
How to Self-Forgive: (there are many ways, this is an example to get you started on the right path)
- Allow yourself to see food as a way to self-care. Ex: “Of course I would want to eat all of that cake, it was an attempt to feel better so of course I would want that.
- My wanting to eat to feel better makes sense, however, what my heart is really aching for is compassion and peace.
- I forgive myself for eating, it makes sense. Now how willing am I to get in touch with what my heart wants?
Remember, when we are eating for emotional reasons, our heart is starving in some way. The real patch is love. Love feeds the soul. Love brings positive aspects of life to strife. Love allows us to move from bitter to better.
I wish you nothing but self-love, self-understanding and self-gentleness this year.
Heart Notes, by Laurel Inman
Hi, I’m the author and founder of the Eating With Heart educational community. I broke free from my own struggle with emotional eating over a decade ago and am now in service helping other women transform their health and lives in magnificent ways. I’m a Professionally Certified Coach (PCC) through the International Coach Federation (ICF), the Director of Coaching for Prescott College and I consult with private clients and businesses over the phone. If you seek personalize heart-centered support, I invite you to contact me and learn how we might work together and get you to your goals. I believe together really is better!